It is one week before Christmas. Today our "inspiration children" were taken off the list of available kids. Surprisingly, I felt happy for them & their Christmas family.
Then the youngest was re-posted alone.
I am heartbroken for him & his siblings. Another loss in their young lives. I don't know the situation, and couldn't possibly guess (nor is it my business) what happened with the older two, but I'm thinking of him tonight & hoping he doesn't feel too alone. I'm hoping he has a wonderful foster family who is able to console him & hug him tight.
Adopting older kids from foster care is really really difficult sometimes. Even knowing the kids all have heartbreaking stories in their past, it is humbling to watch the small window I have into their lives as more heartbreak unfolds. I spent what was probably too much time weaving a story of what "could" have happened and how it "may still" become a happily-ever-after story. My husband thinks I'm a little nuts, but I needed to find that possibility in order to process the emotions of the day. I can't imagine how a child copes with this stuff. I hope he can imagine a happily-ever-after story for himself.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Completing the home study
We have scanned and emailed all of our paper work to our home study agency. I'm not sure if our SW will want to come back out to the house to visit or not. I'm guessing so since she hasn't seen our fire extinguishers in place, but she indicated that she was going to try to finish up our home study by the end of the week, with no mention of another visit.
Our first visit was very positive. The pets all behaved perfectly, our house was pretty well organized, however I did not go too far out of my way to make it any cleaner than I would if it were my parents coming to visit. We still had that box of mail that we need to go through someday sitting in the corner of our dining room, for instance. All in all, it was a good time and our social worker was very friendly. It was not an intimidating visit in the least.
It's very exciting setting up the kids' rooms, although we are holding off any decorating until we know for sure who we are getting. Part of the reasoning behind this is to involve them in the decor decisions as part of transitioning. We want them to feel like the rooms they move into are really THEIR rooms. We want them to take ownership of the spaces, but also doing things to set up their rooms gives us something concrete to do as a family those first few weeks rather than staring terrified at each other wondering what to do next. On some level, I'm also hoping that doing these things during the "honeymoon" period & giving them some pride of ownership will prevent them from destroying everything once the "testing our love" phase begins.
After the home study is complete, our social worker will present us to the state's adoption board. The state will then approve us (hopefully!) as adoptive parents. We will then be in contact with our state adoption specialist and will start the matching process. At this point, the kids I've considered my "inspiration kids" are still posted online. If they remain there when we are approved, they will be the first inquiry we make.
Our first visit was very positive. The pets all behaved perfectly, our house was pretty well organized, however I did not go too far out of my way to make it any cleaner than I would if it were my parents coming to visit. We still had that box of mail that we need to go through someday sitting in the corner of our dining room, for instance. All in all, it was a good time and our social worker was very friendly. It was not an intimidating visit in the least.
It's very exciting setting up the kids' rooms, although we are holding off any decorating until we know for sure who we are getting. Part of the reasoning behind this is to involve them in the decor decisions as part of transitioning. We want them to feel like the rooms they move into are really THEIR rooms. We want them to take ownership of the spaces, but also doing things to set up their rooms gives us something concrete to do as a family those first few weeks rather than staring terrified at each other wondering what to do next. On some level, I'm also hoping that doing these things during the "honeymoon" period & giving them some pride of ownership will prevent them from destroying everything once the "testing our love" phase begins.
After the home study is complete, our social worker will present us to the state's adoption board. The state will then approve us (hopefully!) as adoptive parents. We will then be in contact with our state adoption specialist and will start the matching process. At this point, the kids I've considered my "inspiration kids" are still posted online. If they remain there when we are approved, they will be the first inquiry we make.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Home study: Paperwork begins
A couple of days ago, we had first contact with the social worker from the agency which will be preforming our home study. She emailed a lot of forms to be filled out as well as a list of documents we need to gather. I already emailed back with a lot of questions regarding these forms & am trying to shrug off what I feel was a rather curt response from the sw. The forms contained almost no instruction & were very much geared toward foster care applicants, not adoption-only. Most of my questions revolved around that wording.
One of my main goals early in this process is to develop a thicker skin. This is going to be a long, difficult journey & the questions will be getting really serious. THEN the profiles of children will be very very difficult to process. THEN the kids themselves will do and say things that I should not take personally. All of this is wrapped up in dealing with a state agency. Having previously worked for a state agency, I know that these forms are originally processed with less care than a slaughterhouse. Having a font-change in the middle of an answer is to be expected and is NOT a sign of disrespect to the applicants. (Yes it is, forms management workers! These forms are difficult enough to get through without these types of annoyances.)
The checklist of documents we'll need:
We'll have to update the cat's shots, I think. & I will need a new copy of my BC, which is in the works.
The list of forms we'll need to complete:
One of my main goals early in this process is to develop a thicker skin. This is going to be a long, difficult journey & the questions will be getting really serious. THEN the profiles of children will be very very difficult to process. THEN the kids themselves will do and say things that I should not take personally. All of this is wrapped up in dealing with a state agency. Having previously worked for a state agency, I know that these forms are originally processed with less care than a slaughterhouse. Having a font-change in the middle of an answer is to be expected and is NOT a sign of disrespect to the applicants. (Yes it is, forms management workers! These forms are difficult enough to get through without these types of annoyances.)
The checklist of documents we'll need:
- Birth Certificate x2 (mine, his)
- Marriage License,
- Drivers Licence x2
- Pet Vaccine Records x3 (2 dogs, 1 cat)
- Homeowner's Insurance
- Car Insurance x2
- Car Registration x2
- Recent Pay Stub x2
- Last Year's Tax Return.
We'll have to update the cat's shots, I think. & I will need a new copy of my BC, which is in the works.
The list of forms we'll need to complete:
- Foster Care License application (yes, we need to do this, even though we don't want a FC license)
- Criminal History Background Check Application x2
- Child Care Plan (where will the kids go if not with us or at school)
- Child Protective Services History Check Application x2
- Medical Approval Form x2 (doctor fills out saying we are healthy & probably not on drugs)
- Acknowledgement of Role Form (we understand the care of children is what we are signing up for)
- Water Agreement (check box & sign to say we are on city water)
- Home Safety Checklist (what they will be looking for, more on this later)
- Quite Imposing Awkward Question Form x2
Friday, October 18, 2013
Substitute Teaching
This week, I attended the orientation (i.e. paperwork meeting) to substitute teach. I'm excited to be doing something that will get me used to a variety kids in different age groups as well as have such a completely flexible schedule. It is possible to decide each morning if you'd like to go to work that day. That will be perfect for all of the random adoption-related appointments as well as enable me to be great support to my future kids. I will know their school system AND have the same days off they do. Win-win.
I'm a little nervous, of course. The scene of kids throwing gum into my hair and the next-door neighbor teachers having to come rescue me is pretty prevalent in my mind, but generally, I think I'll be good at it. My 10-year-old nephew told me I'd be good at it too, and his Asperger's-induced honesty is a pretty good thumbs up in my book.
So... I read substitute teacher blogs and lists and lists of tips in preparation for the end of fall break for the kids. My background check should be cleared by mid-next week, so I should be ready to jump in as soon as I'm needed the week after that! All in all, I'm pretty excited.
Going back to work, means, of course, I need to kick some of these house projects into high-gear! One more week! yikes!
I'm a little nervous, of course. The scene of kids throwing gum into my hair and the next-door neighbor teachers having to come rescue me is pretty prevalent in my mind, but generally, I think I'll be good at it. My 10-year-old nephew told me I'd be good at it too, and his Asperger's-induced honesty is a pretty good thumbs up in my book.
So... I read substitute teacher blogs and lists and lists of tips in preparation for the end of fall break for the kids. My background check should be cleared by mid-next week, so I should be ready to jump in as soon as I'm needed the week after that! All in all, I'm pretty excited.
Going back to work, means, of course, I need to kick some of these house projects into high-gear! One more week! yikes!
Monday, October 7, 2013
Post-class nerve-citement
We finished our adoption classes Saturday afternoon! I found the classes very informative. I was asked by family if the classes made us want to run away & the surprising answer is no! I guess this was the goal of DCS, but we actually came out of the classes feeling more prepared & with a better understanding of not only the process, but the emotions involved with the process. We feel relatively secure in our positions of future mommy & daddy. AND not all of the information was what we'd already seen online, which was our fear... Okay, a lot of it was... but the anecdotes were good add-ins and made it seem more real. :)
I even made a friend- another mommy-to-be who is interested in adopting sibs. We both look forward to having someone to call who knows just what we are going through. This was a great surprise since all sources seem to indicate people looking to adopt siblings are rare... even more rare are those who don't have kids at home already who are going from 0 to 3 (which is what we both are interested in). She also has a set of "inspiration kids" and we were both very glad to hear that her set and my set are not the same set, although our similar frequenting of the adoptuskids.org site let us each be familiar with the other's set of "inspiration kids". Additionally, the trainer overheard us talking about these kids and said she had wondered who we were interested in. I don't know why that made me feel good but it did. Someone who knows us a little more than through email knows we are interested in THIS set of kids. And didn't seem to think it was a crazy idea... :)
Theoretically, of course, they are JUST inspiration kids, we should not get too attached to a photo and mini-bio. But, let's be honest. It was an amazing relief to realize we aren't dreaming about the same kids so we didn't have to see each other as competition. Also, there is a possibility that I will be heartbroken if (yeah, ok, when) these kids get adopted before we've gotten to the point to throw our parental hats in the ring, or, worse, if we have reached that point and are not the chosen parents.
Right now is a waiting period. We have finished our classes, but do not have any information about the home study yet. I'm busying myself with beginning to clear out closets & otherwise organize all the catch-all type piles that have lived in the rooms which will belong to the kids. Not the most glamorous aspect of preparing for kids (I'll let you know if I do find a glamorous aspect), but necessary.
I even made a friend- another mommy-to-be who is interested in adopting sibs. We both look forward to having someone to call who knows just what we are going through. This was a great surprise since all sources seem to indicate people looking to adopt siblings are rare... even more rare are those who don't have kids at home already who are going from 0 to 3 (which is what we both are interested in). She also has a set of "inspiration kids" and we were both very glad to hear that her set and my set are not the same set, although our similar frequenting of the adoptuskids.org site let us each be familiar with the other's set of "inspiration kids". Additionally, the trainer overheard us talking about these kids and said she had wondered who we were interested in. I don't know why that made me feel good but it did. Someone who knows us a little more than through email knows we are interested in THIS set of kids. And didn't seem to think it was a crazy idea... :)
Theoretically, of course, they are JUST inspiration kids, we should not get too attached to a photo and mini-bio. But, let's be honest. It was an amazing relief to realize we aren't dreaming about the same kids so we didn't have to see each other as competition. Also, there is a possibility that I will be heartbroken if (yeah, ok, when) these kids get adopted before we've gotten to the point to throw our parental hats in the ring, or, worse, if we have reached that point and are not the chosen parents.
Right now is a waiting period. We have finished our classes, but do not have any information about the home study yet. I'm busying myself with beginning to clear out closets & otherwise organize all the catch-all type piles that have lived in the rooms which will belong to the kids. Not the most glamorous aspect of preparing for kids (I'll let you know if I do find a glamorous aspect), but necessary.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
becoming a new parent is scary.
If you build your family in the traditional way, there is a good two-year long period where you can mess up without the kid remembering what a terrible first time new parent you were. When you adopt older kids, there is no grace period. You better be somewhat competent from the get-go, really.
This is my fear.
So... it makes me nervous that I have absolutely NO experience in making decisions about a child with someone else's input involved. But that's ok, right? Because what first-time-parent HAS that experience?
With adopting older kids, I also feel like we will not get as much of a grace period from our mommy & daddy peers, either. If we were pregnant for 9 months and bringing home a tiny new baby, I can imagine people exchanging those knowing & amused looks with each other. "Aren't they cute? New parents are so fun to watch! such nerds..."
(This scenario also includes several stories about poop. I'm not sure why. Parents love talking about their kids' poo stories from baby & toddlerhood.)
Will we get the same freedom to call our family and tell them "we need a break NOW" or to confess that we have no idea how much food to put on a 9 year old's plate?
I'm honestly feeling a little bashful to even type this stuff out. I am fully aware I'm over-reacting. DEEP BREATH. The last adoption class is in two days, so it's all feeling suddenly very real & there is a lot of pressure that comes with that.
Being responsible for the lives of children is scary stuff. I need to be easier on myself if I expect anyone else to be, eh?
This is my fear.
So... it makes me nervous that I have absolutely NO experience in making decisions about a child with someone else's input involved. But that's ok, right? Because what first-time-parent HAS that experience?
With adopting older kids, I also feel like we will not get as much of a grace period from our mommy & daddy peers, either. If we were pregnant for 9 months and bringing home a tiny new baby, I can imagine people exchanging those knowing & amused looks with each other. "Aren't they cute? New parents are so fun to watch! such nerds..."
(This scenario also includes several stories about poop. I'm not sure why. Parents love talking about their kids' poo stories from baby & toddlerhood.)
Will we get the same freedom to call our family and tell them "we need a break NOW" or to confess that we have no idea how much food to put on a 9 year old's plate?
I'm honestly feeling a little bashful to even type this stuff out. I am fully aware I'm over-reacting. DEEP BREATH. The last adoption class is in two days, so it's all feeling suddenly very real & there is a lot of pressure that comes with that.
Being responsible for the lives of children is scary stuff. I need to be easier on myself if I expect anyone else to be, eh?
Monday, September 30, 2013
September: one classy month!
In the last month, my husband and I have taken all but one of the required classes we need for our pre-adoptive training. These classes are the introductory training sessions for foster families, except for the last one which is all about adoption. After that class is complete, we will begin the process of completing our home study. Really, we don't know much about the adoption process, since the classes thus far have been geared toward foster homes, so I'm very much relying on knowledge gained from other people's blogs about adoption home studies & the checklists I've found for my state's foster care "environment" rules. I figure if we are on target to be a safe foster home, we should be good to adopt, eh?
Although these are the source for our general guidelines, we have decided to only pursue adoption. We just do not feel like our hearts are tough enough to handle legal-risk placements. Additionally, worth note, I have quit my job last week. My husband is currently doing a lot of freelance work in addition to his full-time work, and we have a LOT of projects that we need to complete around the house in preparation for the kiddos. Oh, yes. KiddoS. Did I mention we are definitely looking at sibling groups exclusively? So, yeah. It's been quite a month!
The kids I wrote about last post are still listed on the web. I call them my "inspiration kids". They continue to inspire me to do what needs done for my family-to-be, but I really don't know their situation & they may have a different mommy by the time I'm having my fingerprints sent in, let alone get to the "seriously consider actual kids" point of the adoption process.
Although these are the source for our general guidelines, we have decided to only pursue adoption. We just do not feel like our hearts are tough enough to handle legal-risk placements. Additionally, worth note, I have quit my job last week. My husband is currently doing a lot of freelance work in addition to his full-time work, and we have a LOT of projects that we need to complete around the house in preparation for the kiddos. Oh, yes. KiddoS. Did I mention we are definitely looking at sibling groups exclusively? So, yeah. It's been quite a month!
The kids I wrote about last post are still listed on the web. I call them my "inspiration kids". They continue to inspire me to do what needs done for my family-to-be, but I really don't know their situation & they may have a different mommy by the time I'm having my fingerprints sent in, let alone get to the "seriously consider actual kids" point of the adoption process.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
So there are these kids...
As my husband and I are in the middle of changing jobs and still TTC (albeit halfheartedly), I have been paroozing the adoptuskids.org site with a good bit of regularity. And I saw them. THEM. The kids that I feel so drawn to, I almost feel like I recognize them. They are a sib group and pretty much everything I ever wanted in kids. (I know, whatever that means, right?) I talked about them with my husband, showed them to my mom, and daydreamed about showing them around my house for the first time... is that insane? maybe.
The reality is that we have not even started the paperwork, had not previously given much thought to adopting older kids, or even adopting out of foster care. If we started TODAY we are months away from being approved to even get more information about these kids. And they are awesome, so they will probably already have a different forever home if we were to get to that point.
BUT, it sure did get my wheels turning. I don't think I really seriously thought about adopting in such a real way until I read their little mini-bios. I am looking around my house and picking it apart. Noticing for the first time everything that a social worker would mark us down for on a home visit or whatever inspection.
The dogs aren't as well-trained as they could be. ding*
The second floor bedroom doesn't have a fire escape ladder. ding*
Some of the things are me just being overly hard on myself. On the other hand, some of the things would be legitimate concerns for someone checking out the safety of our home. So... I guess I'll call and ask about getting the process started in case these kids DON'T get adopted right away, or in case we see other kids that would be just as perfect for us.
In any event, I will start a real list of things I see as concerns that I can start to take care of. Then I'll start to take care of them. :) It feels so much more proactive than peeing on a stick and watching for the happy face.
The reality is that we have not even started the paperwork, had not previously given much thought to adopting older kids, or even adopting out of foster care. If we started TODAY we are months away from being approved to even get more information about these kids. And they are awesome, so they will probably already have a different forever home if we were to get to that point.
BUT, it sure did get my wheels turning. I don't think I really seriously thought about adopting in such a real way until I read their little mini-bios. I am looking around my house and picking it apart. Noticing for the first time everything that a social worker would mark us down for on a home visit or whatever inspection.
The dogs aren't as well-trained as they could be. ding*
The second floor bedroom doesn't have a fire escape ladder. ding*
Some of the things are me just being overly hard on myself. On the other hand, some of the things would be legitimate concerns for someone checking out the safety of our home. So... I guess I'll call and ask about getting the process started in case these kids DON'T get adopted right away, or in case we see other kids that would be just as perfect for us.
In any event, I will start a real list of things I see as concerns that I can start to take care of. Then I'll start to take care of them. :) It feels so much more proactive than peeing on a stick and watching for the happy face.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
What I want to say on Facebook:
Wow, looks like every last person on my news feed has a new baby in their lives these last two weeks. Congratulations every damn person but me!
I'm really glad you have had TWO kids in the time I've been trying to have one. Four kids, four dads? Lucky you for always hitting the fertility nail square on the head! Yay you!
And, It's really great how YOU have made sure to share every ridiculous detail of your daughter-in-law's pregnancy with me as I was trying to recover from my miscarriage. Now that the kid is born, oh YES I can't wait to see all 862 photos of your rather hideous grandchild!
And OH the nieces & nephews! Babies for EVERYONE!
I'm going to check out the news sites now... oh, why lookie there, William and Kate.
...
Sigh.
I'm really glad you have had TWO kids in the time I've been trying to have one. Four kids, four dads? Lucky you for always hitting the fertility nail square on the head! Yay you!
And, It's really great how YOU have made sure to share every ridiculous detail of your daughter-in-law's pregnancy with me as I was trying to recover from my miscarriage. Now that the kid is born, oh YES I can't wait to see all 862 photos of your rather hideous grandchild!
And OH the nieces & nephews! Babies for EVERYONE!
I'm going to check out the news sites now... oh, why lookie there, William and Kate.
...
Sigh.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Stress
This week has been so long already. Yesterday, my husband turned his resignation at his current job which he has had nearly 15 years (since he was just out of high school). He was offered a new job last week, but leaving the old place is really hard on him.
This morning, our two dogs went missing. For a half an hour. That is a LONG time to not know where your dogs are. Luckily, they stayed together and were caught by some guys at an auto shop before they crossed the busy street. (Those guys will get pie for sure!) So, this morning I went on a really frazzled run in the rain, then buried a good cry so I could get to work. I can't even begin to say how relieved I am that we got the dogs back. I was so scared there would be a call about finding one of them but not the other, or that they'd both get hit, or... you know... all the scenarios a person can possibly think of between the time they realize their fenced in yard wasn't good enough and the time their phone rings with news.
I am hoping to change jobs as well in the next couple of months, but so far I'm not at a good place to leave. The good news is, that my husband's new insurance will cover me, unlike his old job, so health insurance isn't as big of a deal... maybe I'll examine starting my own business a little closer. It makes sense with a new baby. Not many people take more than the allotted 12 weeks anymore, but it really would be nice to raise my own kid instead of paying someone else to raise them while I work all day to make the money to pay them.
So, anyhow... I know stress isn't really super helpful when you are trying to make babies, but here I am nonetheless. One giant stressball.
This morning, our two dogs went missing. For a half an hour. That is a LONG time to not know where your dogs are. Luckily, they stayed together and were caught by some guys at an auto shop before they crossed the busy street. (Those guys will get pie for sure!) So, this morning I went on a really frazzled run in the rain, then buried a good cry so I could get to work. I can't even begin to say how relieved I am that we got the dogs back. I was so scared there would be a call about finding one of them but not the other, or that they'd both get hit, or... you know... all the scenarios a person can possibly think of between the time they realize their fenced in yard wasn't good enough and the time their phone rings with news.
I am hoping to change jobs as well in the next couple of months, but so far I'm not at a good place to leave. The good news is, that my husband's new insurance will cover me, unlike his old job, so health insurance isn't as big of a deal... maybe I'll examine starting my own business a little closer. It makes sense with a new baby. Not many people take more than the allotted 12 weeks anymore, but it really would be nice to raise my own kid instead of paying someone else to raise them while I work all day to make the money to pay them.
So, anyhow... I know stress isn't really super helpful when you are trying to make babies, but here I am nonetheless. One giant stressball.
Friday, July 19, 2013
nope.
The two week wait is officially over; no exciting news to report. I bought a couple of books about adoption. One a history of adoption in America, which is just interesting. The other is one of those for idiots kinds. We are talking about adoption on a theoretical level in my house, but we have yet to really set foot on the path.
As far as a bio-kid goes, we are not particularly interested in spending money on a reproduction specific doctor (which is not covered by either of our insurances), since that money could go into an adoption... HOWEVER, I still think maybe an appointment with an ob may be in order.
Sigh. I don't know. Nothing will be happening today though.
It's been a rough week.
As far as a bio-kid goes, we are not particularly interested in spending money on a reproduction specific doctor (which is not covered by either of our insurances), since that money could go into an adoption... HOWEVER, I still think maybe an appointment with an ob may be in order.
Sigh. I don't know. Nothing will be happening today though.
It's been a rough week.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Networking for baby
Today we received our first info packet in the mail. I was sorry to see that pretty much everything in the packet was also on their website. Nice folder though, I guess. This one was for a domestic adoption agency.
This particular agency does not make me feel very comfortable. I've discovered through blogs of parents using this agency that they heavily recommend networking as a method of sourcing out a baby. Networking seems to me to be a fairly slimy ordeal. Perhaps I'm just naive, but I almost feel like the exchange of a child, as it were, is more sacred than telling your local grocer that you are hoping to adopt and to keep you in mind if someone mentions to you that they don't plan to keep their baby. Part of my mind just finds this to be unethical. As if a child should be sought in the same way a used car might be. Craigslist anyone? I'm also pretty sure I read that advertising as adoptive hopefuls outside of the agency structure is illegal in my state- I'll have to double check that.
On top of the yicky-ness I feel about this, I also feel like for 25 grand (or 20 or 15), they should be doing my networking for me. It isn't that I'm not willing to put it all out there for a child. My concerns are that there are a lot of legal, ethical, psychological, and just plain kindness issues that a person should be trained, retrained, mentored through, and experienced at involved in discussing anything of that magnitude with a pregnant woman. If I were to, say, be contacted by a woman who offered up her child to me directly, I would immediately feel the red flags of scam artist come up. No. matter. what. People who are as emotionally involved as an adoptive hopeful should not be the point person for this. Especially not after going to all of the trouble to research and find an agency.
I'm looking for other options this evening. I have a lot of questions though, which I am going to rattle off in case anyone out there knows the answers: I've seen that in an international adoption, the adoptive parents can choose an agency from anywhere in the country. Is this true with domestic adoptions as well? If I were to go through an adoption lawer in my state, or a local agency, do they have access to birthmoms outside their neighborhood, generally? And if there was a child in state next door would I need to hire a second lawyer from that state?
I'm a little weary of asking too many questions from the adoption professionals until I am really ready to jump in with both feet, although I know that will eventually be the source of many of my answers.
This particular agency does not make me feel very comfortable. I've discovered through blogs of parents using this agency that they heavily recommend networking as a method of sourcing out a baby. Networking seems to me to be a fairly slimy ordeal. Perhaps I'm just naive, but I almost feel like the exchange of a child, as it were, is more sacred than telling your local grocer that you are hoping to adopt and to keep you in mind if someone mentions to you that they don't plan to keep their baby. Part of my mind just finds this to be unethical. As if a child should be sought in the same way a used car might be. Craigslist anyone? I'm also pretty sure I read that advertising as adoptive hopefuls outside of the agency structure is illegal in my state- I'll have to double check that.
On top of the yicky-ness I feel about this, I also feel like for 25 grand (or 20 or 15), they should be doing my networking for me. It isn't that I'm not willing to put it all out there for a child. My concerns are that there are a lot of legal, ethical, psychological, and just plain kindness issues that a person should be trained, retrained, mentored through, and experienced at involved in discussing anything of that magnitude with a pregnant woman. If I were to, say, be contacted by a woman who offered up her child to me directly, I would immediately feel the red flags of scam artist come up. No. matter. what. People who are as emotionally involved as an adoptive hopeful should not be the point person for this. Especially not after going to all of the trouble to research and find an agency.
I'm looking for other options this evening. I have a lot of questions though, which I am going to rattle off in case anyone out there knows the answers: I've seen that in an international adoption, the adoptive parents can choose an agency from anywhere in the country. Is this true with domestic adoptions as well? If I were to go through an adoption lawer in my state, or a local agency, do they have access to birthmoms outside their neighborhood, generally? And if there was a child in state next door would I need to hire a second lawyer from that state?
I'm a little weary of asking too many questions from the adoption professionals until I am really ready to jump in with both feet, although I know that will eventually be the source of many of my answers.
Friday, July 5, 2013
The Two Week Wait
Mr Smiley on the ovulation test has gone back into hibernation & I am officially in the churning emotional waters of the Two Week Wait.
During the first few official TWWs we went through, I felt excited. We had moved from randomly hoping a pregnancy would show up just from doing nothing to stop it, to watching for a happy face to appear in an attempt to target that lil' ovum more precisely. Dropping almost $50 a month on something to pee on seemed like a great step in the right direction. I was able to know when my body was gearing up to open the gates- not unlike the beginning of a horse race. We could try to catch that little horse as he made his way down the midway.
After the miscarriage, I switched to the "advanced" Mr Smiley who is flashy to indicate higher estrogen levels and then turns steady for 2 days to indicate the LH surge. Because this extra level of smiley-hood, THAT must be what I've been missing. blink.
These days, I feel like doing the LH test is just a part of the morning routine, like brushing my teeth or feeding the dogs. It almost doesn't seem connected to the possibility of a pregnancy.
During the first few official TWWs we went through, I felt excited. We had moved from randomly hoping a pregnancy would show up just from doing nothing to stop it, to watching for a happy face to appear in an attempt to target that lil' ovum more precisely. Dropping almost $50 a month on something to pee on seemed like a great step in the right direction. I was able to know when my body was gearing up to open the gates- not unlike the beginning of a horse race. We could try to catch that little horse as he made his way down the midway.
After the miscarriage, I switched to the "advanced" Mr Smiley who is flashy to indicate higher estrogen levels and then turns steady for 2 days to indicate the LH surge. Because this extra level of smiley-hood, THAT must be what I've been missing. blink.
These days, I feel like doing the LH test is just a part of the morning routine, like brushing my teeth or feeding the dogs. It almost doesn't seem connected to the possibility of a pregnancy.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
A year and a half into the beginning of a journey.
So, I'm thinking that I want to be a mom.... and at this point, I'm not sure what that means for me. Will this become an adoption blog? an infertility blog? a new mom blog? The hubs and I have been trying to join our cute little gametes for 1 year and 6 months. There was a brief stint with a short-lived pregnancy a few months ago, but it failed miserably on our first wedding anniversary (as in: happy anniversary honey, I'm going to go miscarry the baby now. yeah. so... that happened.) I guess technically the amount of time TTC is less the 11 weeks we had, in fact, C-ed.
The beginning of July marked the crossover from the time I might've been a first-time mom before I turn 35 and the new reality that I will be at least 35 when I become a mom. That is, of course, if my children have not been conceived and/or born by now. And even then, the chances are slim I could become their mom in the next 9 months. This is, in reality, not a huge deal, but in my head it is. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'm over 30- or that I'm actually one of the grown ups, for that matter. Having an automatic 'elderly primigravida' written on the chart seems unreal.
Already, I have misled you a little. I do know one thing for certain. This will not be a traditional TTC blog. Although we are, in fact, TTC, I am not interested in medical intervention to make that happen. I am not willing to drug myself up or think about my ovaries in bloom or any of those other magical things that I have to skim over in other blogs so I don't end up over-thinking anything and... let's be honest, passing out. I'm just not awesome at handling unnecessary invasive procedures. This, in addition to the overwhelming costs associated with it (neither of our insurance plans cover infertility in any way- do any?), leads me straight down the path of adoption.
We are currently just poking around the adoption idea, really. We are also still watching every month for the smiley face to stop flashing on the LH surge tests, and it has actually only been three months since the miscarriage, although it seems much much longer. I'm very tired of that smiley face. very tired. Researching adoption has been a fresh source of hope for me.
And so here I am. Almost a year and a half into the beginning of a journey.
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