A year and a half into the beginning of a journey.

So, I'm thinking that I want to be a mom.... and at this point, I'm not sure what that means for me. Will this become an adoption blog?  an infertility blog?  a new mom blog?  The hubs and I have been trying to join our cute little gametes for 1 year and 6 months.  There was a brief stint with a short-lived pregnancy a few months ago, but it failed miserably on our first wedding anniversary (as in: happy anniversary honey, I'm going to go miscarry the baby now. yeah. so... that happened.)  I guess technically the amount of time TTC is less the 11 weeks we had, in fact, C-ed.

The beginning of July marked the crossover from the time I might've been a first-time mom before I turn 35 and the new reality that I will be at least 35 when I become a mom.  That is, of course, if my children have not been conceived and/or born by now. And even then, the chances are slim I could become their mom in the next 9 months.  This is, in reality,  not a huge deal, but in my head it is.  I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'm over 30- or that I'm actually one of the grown ups, for that matter.  Having an automatic 'elderly primigravida' written on the chart seems unreal. 

Already,  I have misled you a little.  I do know one thing for certain. This will not be a traditional TTC blog.  Although we are, in fact, TTC, I am not interested in medical intervention to make that happen. I am not willing to drug myself up or think about my ovaries in bloom or any of those other magical things that I have to skim over in other blogs so I don't end up over-thinking anything and... let's be honest, passing out. I'm just not awesome at handling unnecessary invasive procedures. This, in addition to the overwhelming costs associated with it (neither of our insurance plans cover infertility in any way- do any?),  leads me straight down the path of adoption.  

We are currently just poking around the adoption idea, really. We are also still watching every month for the smiley face to stop flashing on the LH surge tests, and it has actually only been three months since the miscarriage, although it seems much much longer.  I'm very tired of that smiley face. very tired. Researching adoption has been a fresh source of hope for me. 

And so here I am.  Almost a year and a half into the beginning of a journey.