We had our finalization hearing on Nov. 20th. It only took about 15 minutes, but was amazing and perfect. Our daughter, now 5 and a half months old, slept through it, of course, since it was during nap time. First they basically introduced the case for the record and asked to see the baby (she was sleeping in her stroller). Our lawyer joked that they'd have to come to see her because we weren't going to wake a sleeping baby, but I picked her up and held her.
They called my husband to the stand to testify first and had him spell his name for the record. They reminded us that she would not qualify for a stipend, since she was "practically perfect in every way" & asked him if we'd be financially able to handle the burden of raising this child. They asked what sort of work my husband does, what type of dogs and cat we have, and how he would describe the baby. His description was pretty much how every new dad would describe their 5 month old daughter, except in our case she really IS the most adorable, most clever, and most fun baby in the world!
I was called next, passing the baby to my husband on his way back. Aside from spelling my name, was spared a lot of the questions because the judge asked if I would have answered the same as my husband. I was then asked to describe the baby, which I think is more for the parents than the courts. It's really a chance to gush on about how much you love your baby in front of a court recorder, which is a chance I welcome, personally! :) Let it be on the record that my baby is fantastic! I told them we are honored and lucky to be her parents.
The judge ordered that we are officially her legal parents and said he would issue the decree! Before we left, the official adoptive parents/kid/judge photos were taken and our family could come up and take some camera phone photos at the same time. Actual cameras were not allowed through security! (IKR?!) Our little one started waking up as picture time began so we have some photos of a very confused looking baby!
The court workers, including the judge told us how adorable she is and congratulated us ... and poof! we were parents! We were given a few copies of the decree a few minutes after leaving the courtroom.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Oh, Baby!
I am so very sorry for delay in updates since I announced rather shortly that we were chosen to parent the newborn girl!
First, I can't even begin to describe how wonderful this little girl is. She is very self-structured and has slept through the night since the 4th day home as well as taking regular naps in the morning and afternoon. According to her pediatrician, we should be prepared to parent a very intelligent child because she is far ahead of the curve on all of her milestones. She loves being passed around at family functions, but when she's feeling sleepy, she wants her parents (that's US!). She will be 4 months old in a couple of days & is just a joy.
All of that being said, the first couple of months were tough. I got to spend every day with this amazing newborn who was practically the dream child of everyone who has ever had a newborn. And I could barely get off the couch. It started just a few weeks after she came home & began to really worry about myself- was I experiencing post-adoption depression? was I much less fit than I thought and a newborn, even a magically easy newborn, was just wiping me out? I cried a lot and slept as much as she did. I hated eating anything and woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible nauseous headache that usually resulted in my throwing up or collapsed on the bathroom floor for an hour.
Finally, on the advice of my mother, I called the doctor and scheduled an appointment... which they lost due to a 'new system' error... twice. I asked them if they could just order a blood test, since I assumed that would be the result of the appointment anyway. I was particularly interested in a thyroid screening since those sorts of issues run in my family and Dr. Google seemed to point me in that direction. They did, and did a general panel as well.
A few days later, I got an after hours call from the doctor himself (not an assistant or nurse!), which of course I missed. His voicemail message asked me to call first thing in the morning if I didn't hear from the assistant first. Naturally I assumed the worst about the results and started wondering if we could keep on with the adoption if, say, I had to go through chemo... or whatever. The next morning, the phone rang at 7:45. The assistant said: Everything looks good- you are very healthy! But... well, you know you are pregnant right?
UM... NO!??!
So, that is also going on now. The adoption should be finalized, according to our lawyers, by the end of October, if all goes smoothly with some other dates coming up. Then, in late February, we will have our second child. It's ok, you can laugh. That's what we did for the first week after finding out!
Lots more to update, of course, but for now, the baby is sleeping and I would like to join her.
First, I can't even begin to describe how wonderful this little girl is. She is very self-structured and has slept through the night since the 4th day home as well as taking regular naps in the morning and afternoon. According to her pediatrician, we should be prepared to parent a very intelligent child because she is far ahead of the curve on all of her milestones. She loves being passed around at family functions, but when she's feeling sleepy, she wants her parents (that's US!). She will be 4 months old in a couple of days & is just a joy.
All of that being said, the first couple of months were tough. I got to spend every day with this amazing newborn who was practically the dream child of everyone who has ever had a newborn. And I could barely get off the couch. It started just a few weeks after she came home & began to really worry about myself- was I experiencing post-adoption depression? was I much less fit than I thought and a newborn, even a magically easy newborn, was just wiping me out? I cried a lot and slept as much as she did. I hated eating anything and woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible nauseous headache that usually resulted in my throwing up or collapsed on the bathroom floor for an hour.
Finally, on the advice of my mother, I called the doctor and scheduled an appointment... which they lost due to a 'new system' error... twice. I asked them if they could just order a blood test, since I assumed that would be the result of the appointment anyway. I was particularly interested in a thyroid screening since those sorts of issues run in my family and Dr. Google seemed to point me in that direction. They did, and did a general panel as well.
A few days later, I got an after hours call from the doctor himself (not an assistant or nurse!), which of course I missed. His voicemail message asked me to call first thing in the morning if I didn't hear from the assistant first. Naturally I assumed the worst about the results and started wondering if we could keep on with the adoption if, say, I had to go through chemo... or whatever. The next morning, the phone rang at 7:45. The assistant said: Everything looks good- you are very healthy! But... well, you know you are pregnant right?
UM... NO!??!
So, that is also going on now. The adoption should be finalized, according to our lawyers, by the end of October, if all goes smoothly with some other dates coming up. Then, in late February, we will have our second child. It's ok, you can laugh. That's what we did for the first week after finding out!
Lots more to update, of course, but for now, the baby is sleeping and I would like to join her.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Monday, June 9, 2014
Match Interview & finished nursery!
On Friday, we went to our match interview. I believe about 6 families were interviewed as prospective parents, but I'm not completely sure. We got so see a couple of pictures of the little girl they are trying to place & she is beautiful.
There were ten people on the panel as interviewers, however the head of the department was the one who asked us almost all of the questions. It was fairly painless, with questions about our hobbies, our financial status, and our expectations for a child. To be clear, the financial questions were mostly just verifying some of the things written in the home study as well as making sure we understood that this child will not have a stipend or be covered by medicaid, like many kids adopted from DCS would. Nothing we weren't expecting. They asked us how we resolve conflicts and our ideas on discipline. I feel like it went pretty well, but of course one never knows about the "competition". We are strong candidates, I think, so if another family is chosen, I'm confident that they are also an amazing family. Still though, they should obviously choose us. :)
In the mean time we finished (mostly) our nursery! We began it as a room for foster babies, so it is more complete than we probably would have had it if we were not planning to foster- a room devoted to a baby that may never come is pretty discouraging, but we are fairly confident we'd get placed with a foster sib group that includes a little one... and very hopeful that we might put off the foster scenario for a bit because of a new baby... I still need to hem the curtains and the fabric draped over the chair is a stand-in for a future rocker or glider, but other than that... yay! At least one room in the house is totally put together. We have had so many overlapping projects, it has been difficult to keep any order. THAT, however, is what I'm supposed to be working on now, so... I'll update with news when I have any to tell! Fingers crossed!
There were ten people on the panel as interviewers, however the head of the department was the one who asked us almost all of the questions. It was fairly painless, with questions about our hobbies, our financial status, and our expectations for a child. To be clear, the financial questions were mostly just verifying some of the things written in the home study as well as making sure we understood that this child will not have a stipend or be covered by medicaid, like many kids adopted from DCS would. Nothing we weren't expecting. They asked us how we resolve conflicts and our ideas on discipline. I feel like it went pretty well, but of course one never knows about the "competition". We are strong candidates, I think, so if another family is chosen, I'm confident that they are also an amazing family. Still though, they should obviously choose us. :)
In the mean time we finished (mostly) our nursery! We began it as a room for foster babies, so it is more complete than we probably would have had it if we were not planning to foster- a room devoted to a baby that may never come is pretty discouraging, but we are fairly confident we'd get placed with a foster sib group that includes a little one... and very hopeful that we might put off the foster scenario for a bit because of a new baby... I still need to hem the curtains and the fabric draped over the chair is a stand-in for a future rocker or glider, but other than that... yay! At least one room in the house is totally put together. We have had so many overlapping projects, it has been difficult to keep any order. THAT, however, is what I'm supposed to be working on now, so... I'll update with news when I have any to tell! Fingers crossed!
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Interview
This morning I got a call saying my husband & I were chosen as one of the families to be interviewed for a baby who needs a home. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! This is the first interview we've received in this process. The woman told me not to be nervous (i wasn't until she said that) & that the panel would ask us a bunch of questions, mostly about parenting.
I'm actually feeling more excited then anything. I was beginning to doubt our homestudy and beginning to wonder what it was that lead to us never being chosen. So, of course I'd love to raise this baby, OF COURSE, but it's also just a relief to finally be selected for interview.
So excited! yay!
I'm actually feeling more excited then anything. I was beginning to doubt our homestudy and beginning to wonder what it was that lead to us never being chosen. So, of course I'd love to raise this baby, OF COURSE, but it's also just a relief to finally be selected for interview.
So excited! yay!
Friday, April 25, 2014
And we are waiting... and waiting... and waiting.
There have been no updates. We have our home study sent to strangers, we watch the children's posts with fingers crossed, and nothing ever happens and we never hear anything else. Eventually, we assume the children whose summaries and photos we poured over are living in a happy home and doing ok, that we were not the chosen family. Then we find a new set of sibs that we pour over and imagine in our house. Repeat. and repeat. and repeat.... and repeat.
It is such a strange time. People ask us how the adoption is going and we shrug. We have no idea. Is this normal? Why don't the social workers have the courtesy to send out a form letter email thanking us for our interest & letting us know that the kids we came to care for in that unique wishful way had found a home?
In the last month, we have gone to a "meeting" which included us, our adoption specialist, and one other couple we had met in training & we attended an adoption support group that included us and the lady who organized the group. Blink. During the meeting, we told our adoption specialist that we are interested in switching to the foster to adopt side of things. I wrote to her two weeks later and she said she was still waiting for our file to be sent from our home study agency. Now, it's been a month. What is the big hold up? I don't know.
I know that adopting takes a lot of patience, but I feel very much forgotten. It is so maddening to see the ads for adopting kids from foster care when we are sitting here twiddling our thumbs waiting to do just that. We continue to prepare our home, which involves us building a partition wall to divide one giant room into a bedroom and library/playroom. But, other than that, we just go about our lives :)
I'm sorry for venting, but I feel that is all the wisdom I have to offer at the moment. The process is indeed long and uneventful. They are not kidding.
It is such a strange time. People ask us how the adoption is going and we shrug. We have no idea. Is this normal? Why don't the social workers have the courtesy to send out a form letter email thanking us for our interest & letting us know that the kids we came to care for in that unique wishful way had found a home?
In the last month, we have gone to a "meeting" which included us, our adoption specialist, and one other couple we had met in training & we attended an adoption support group that included us and the lady who organized the group. Blink. During the meeting, we told our adoption specialist that we are interested in switching to the foster to adopt side of things. I wrote to her two weeks later and she said she was still waiting for our file to be sent from our home study agency. Now, it's been a month. What is the big hold up? I don't know.
I know that adopting takes a lot of patience, but I feel very much forgotten. It is so maddening to see the ads for adopting kids from foster care when we are sitting here twiddling our thumbs waiting to do just that. We continue to prepare our home, which involves us building a partition wall to divide one giant room into a bedroom and library/playroom. But, other than that, we just go about our lives :)
I'm sorry for venting, but I feel that is all the wisdom I have to offer at the moment. The process is indeed long and uneventful. They are not kidding.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Fingers crossed!
The profile for a sibling group was put on hold for them to review home studies. I know, I know, I know... but this one was put on hold just hours after our home study was sent to them! That is positive, right? They are actually reviewing OUR home study! And they were not taken down for having 15 inquiries already, so... maybe... ?
We have felt a lot of frustration (mainly stemming from my impatience) about adoption, so far. We have seen the awful statistics about time frames & interstate adoption realities (not to mention scary stuff about undiagnosed killed-the-kitten disorders that seem to pop up way too often in blogs). But we remain hopeful that we will be the exception. Our adoptions will go smoothly & quickly while our kids will have been overdiagnosed with disorders that they either do not have, or are well on their way to overcoming. It's nice to dream, right?
Last night we had a conversation about trying for a biokid again. There is part of me that wants to have the baby experience. Not necessarily the 'blood draw once a week' experience, but the 'what a sweet young family' experience. I think I will miss that part if we adopt first. We will be a young family, (well, a thirty-something young family) but no one will know that these kids who have (let's say, for the sake of argument) awful behaviors and foul-mouthed vocabularies are NEW to us, too. Is it horribly selfish to worry about how I will be judged as a mother rather than thinking about how much those misbehaving kids with sailor talk need me? I have more time on my hand now than I will post kid(s) arrival, so I'm guessing I won't have much time to worry or think about much of anything other than making sure everyone is relatively clean and fed when we leave the house. Anyhow, we decided, essentially, to not really go out of our way to try for a bio baby, but not to go out of our way to NOT try, if you know what I mean. This isn't much of a difference from what have have been doing, but the idea of the maybe of it all... that's nice to have. I think after the miscarriage last year, it was hard for me to view my body in that way without getting very very tired. Soooo... We'll just see what happens!
But for tonight, we drink. :)
Thursday, February 27, 2014
intrastate adoption
Our state has a touch of sparsely populated-ness. Not like some states in the west, but enough that there just are not the amount of kids ready for adoption that you might find in a more metropolitan area. Particularly lacking are those that fit our "we would be able to handle parenting these" requirements. Regardless of the fact that we are looking for siblings, we just don't have any in-state choices. We put our home study in for one set that appeared just after we were approved, but since then, there just have not been any.
This issue wasn't a huge deal, because we are registered with adoptuskids.org & we have found a handful of out of state sibling sets that we have also been interested in & inquired about. We had no idea there were so many issues with this. But, there are. I found the statistic that in 2010, there were more people struck by lightning in the US than were able to successfully adopt across state lines. (see Washington Post link below) There are commercials saying how many kids there are in the country that want a home, implying that there is a chance you might actually be able to GIVE them one, but as it turns out, this kid trade is all about money, and the social services of states are not eager to help their families adopt from another state because they won't get money for it. It's all very upsetting.
If you are interested in adopting across state lines, please read the linked articles for more information. Also read about the legislation that is sitting in Washington. It's heartbreaking. We are not sure what our next plan of action will be. I'm very burned out by adoption from foster care right now. I'm wondering if we will be able to follow through with it, quite honestly. I quit my job working for the state, in part, because I couldn't handle this kind of thing anymore. And here we are, facing this same issue as a roadblock to becoming parents.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/why-all-the-snags-in-interstate-adoption/2012/06/01/gJQAB4uq7U_story.html
http://www.listeningtoparents.org/
the bill in congress: https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/113/s1511
This issue wasn't a huge deal, because we are registered with adoptuskids.org & we have found a handful of out of state sibling sets that we have also been interested in & inquired about. We had no idea there were so many issues with this. But, there are. I found the statistic that in 2010, there were more people struck by lightning in the US than were able to successfully adopt across state lines. (see Washington Post link below) There are commercials saying how many kids there are in the country that want a home, implying that there is a chance you might actually be able to GIVE them one, but as it turns out, this kid trade is all about money, and the social services of states are not eager to help their families adopt from another state because they won't get money for it. It's all very upsetting.
If you are interested in adopting across state lines, please read the linked articles for more information. Also read about the legislation that is sitting in Washington. It's heartbreaking. We are not sure what our next plan of action will be. I'm very burned out by adoption from foster care right now. I'm wondering if we will be able to follow through with it, quite honestly. I quit my job working for the state, in part, because I couldn't handle this kind of thing anymore. And here we are, facing this same issue as a roadblock to becoming parents.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/why-all-the-snags-in-interstate-adoption/2012/06/01/gJQAB4uq7U_story.html
http://www.listeningtoparents.org/
the bill in congress: https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/113/s1511
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Approval- check!
Since being approved on the 13th, I've discovered that the adoption process requires a lot of patience. We were put back into the hands of our state's adoption lady, so our home study social worker is no longer in the picture. And, for the past two weeks, that's been pretty much all I have to report.
We did register on adoptuskids.org, so we are able to get extra disability & allergy information without having to make an inquiry... on the roughly 4% of kids who are not protected by local laws. We have sent our home study to one child's social worker in a different state that we found on the website and to a local (in-state) social worker to be considered for a sibling group that was emailed to us (and all state families in our shoes).
I'm not sure how long it takes the kids' social workers to make a decision, so now we wait. If any other child/children come up that we are interested in being considered for, we ask our adoption lady to send our home study to them too.
It really isn't very exciting at this point- especially since I've been fighting tummy issues & the weather has been so awful. It's just an ordinary life, except we read more profiles about kids than most people. :)
Saturday, January 11, 2014
anxiously waiting on approval
We are expecting to be approved as potential adoptive parents on Monday. I'm frustrated right now because I'm not sure what happens after that. Are we still working with our home study social worker? Do we go back to the state's adoption specialist? No idea. I've asked our home study social worker this question twice with no reply.
Meanwhile, we received additional information about the remaining posted child from our original "inspiration kids" & have decided not to pursue his adoption. As it turns out, he needs a lot of attention and they believe he would thrive most in a home where he is an only child. We thought hard about this, since we have become emotionally attached to his profile, but we really want 3 or 4 kids. Also, there is still that chance that a bio kid would enter the picture so even if we did decide on one, it may not be in the cards.
I'm feeling a little blue this weekend. I've been having snow days for a week after having been on winter break, so I think I may just be getting a bit of cabin fever. Bleh. I'm very hopeful that there will be a flourish of excitement next week when we get our official approval & start the matching process... whatever it is! :) Until then, maybe a nap is in order.
Meanwhile, we received additional information about the remaining posted child from our original "inspiration kids" & have decided not to pursue his adoption. As it turns out, he needs a lot of attention and they believe he would thrive most in a home where he is an only child. We thought hard about this, since we have become emotionally attached to his profile, but we really want 3 or 4 kids. Also, there is still that chance that a bio kid would enter the picture so even if we did decide on one, it may not be in the cards.
I'm feeling a little blue this weekend. I've been having snow days for a week after having been on winter break, so I think I may just be getting a bit of cabin fever. Bleh. I'm very hopeful that there will be a flourish of excitement next week when we get our official approval & start the matching process... whatever it is! :) Until then, maybe a nap is in order.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)