This week has been so long already. Yesterday, my husband turned his resignation at his current job which he has had nearly 15 years (since he was just out of high school). He was offered a new job last week, but leaving the old place is really hard on him.
This morning, our two dogs went missing. For a half an hour. That is a LONG time to not know where your dogs are. Luckily, they stayed together and were caught by some guys at an auto shop before they crossed the busy street. (Those guys will get pie for sure!) So, this morning I went on a really frazzled run in the rain, then buried a good cry so I could get to work. I can't even begin to say how relieved I am that we got the dogs back. I was so scared there would be a call about finding one of them but not the other, or that they'd both get hit, or... you know... all the scenarios a person can possibly think of between the time they realize their fenced in yard wasn't good enough and the time their phone rings with news.
I am hoping to change jobs as well in the next couple of months, but so far I'm not at a good place to leave. The good news is, that my husband's new insurance will cover me, unlike his old job, so health insurance isn't as big of a deal... maybe I'll examine starting my own business a little closer. It makes sense with a new baby. Not many people take more than the allotted 12 weeks anymore, but it really would be nice to raise my own kid instead of paying someone else to raise them while I work all day to make the money to pay them.
So, anyhow... I know stress isn't really super helpful when you are trying to make babies, but here I am nonetheless. One giant stressball.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Friday, July 19, 2013
nope.
The two week wait is officially over; no exciting news to report. I bought a couple of books about adoption. One a history of adoption in America, which is just interesting. The other is one of those for idiots kinds. We are talking about adoption on a theoretical level in my house, but we have yet to really set foot on the path.
As far as a bio-kid goes, we are not particularly interested in spending money on a reproduction specific doctor (which is not covered by either of our insurances), since that money could go into an adoption... HOWEVER, I still think maybe an appointment with an ob may be in order.
Sigh. I don't know. Nothing will be happening today though.
It's been a rough week.
As far as a bio-kid goes, we are not particularly interested in spending money on a reproduction specific doctor (which is not covered by either of our insurances), since that money could go into an adoption... HOWEVER, I still think maybe an appointment with an ob may be in order.
Sigh. I don't know. Nothing will be happening today though.
It's been a rough week.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Networking for baby
Today we received our first info packet in the mail. I was sorry to see that pretty much everything in the packet was also on their website. Nice folder though, I guess. This one was for a domestic adoption agency.
This particular agency does not make me feel very comfortable. I've discovered through blogs of parents using this agency that they heavily recommend networking as a method of sourcing out a baby. Networking seems to me to be a fairly slimy ordeal. Perhaps I'm just naive, but I almost feel like the exchange of a child, as it were, is more sacred than telling your local grocer that you are hoping to adopt and to keep you in mind if someone mentions to you that they don't plan to keep their baby. Part of my mind just finds this to be unethical. As if a child should be sought in the same way a used car might be. Craigslist anyone? I'm also pretty sure I read that advertising as adoptive hopefuls outside of the agency structure is illegal in my state- I'll have to double check that.
On top of the yicky-ness I feel about this, I also feel like for 25 grand (or 20 or 15), they should be doing my networking for me. It isn't that I'm not willing to put it all out there for a child. My concerns are that there are a lot of legal, ethical, psychological, and just plain kindness issues that a person should be trained, retrained, mentored through, and experienced at involved in discussing anything of that magnitude with a pregnant woman. If I were to, say, be contacted by a woman who offered up her child to me directly, I would immediately feel the red flags of scam artist come up. No. matter. what. People who are as emotionally involved as an adoptive hopeful should not be the point person for this. Especially not after going to all of the trouble to research and find an agency.
I'm looking for other options this evening. I have a lot of questions though, which I am going to rattle off in case anyone out there knows the answers: I've seen that in an international adoption, the adoptive parents can choose an agency from anywhere in the country. Is this true with domestic adoptions as well? If I were to go through an adoption lawer in my state, or a local agency, do they have access to birthmoms outside their neighborhood, generally? And if there was a child in state next door would I need to hire a second lawyer from that state?
I'm a little weary of asking too many questions from the adoption professionals until I am really ready to jump in with both feet, although I know that will eventually be the source of many of my answers.
This particular agency does not make me feel very comfortable. I've discovered through blogs of parents using this agency that they heavily recommend networking as a method of sourcing out a baby. Networking seems to me to be a fairly slimy ordeal. Perhaps I'm just naive, but I almost feel like the exchange of a child, as it were, is more sacred than telling your local grocer that you are hoping to adopt and to keep you in mind if someone mentions to you that they don't plan to keep their baby. Part of my mind just finds this to be unethical. As if a child should be sought in the same way a used car might be. Craigslist anyone? I'm also pretty sure I read that advertising as adoptive hopefuls outside of the agency structure is illegal in my state- I'll have to double check that.
On top of the yicky-ness I feel about this, I also feel like for 25 grand (or 20 or 15), they should be doing my networking for me. It isn't that I'm not willing to put it all out there for a child. My concerns are that there are a lot of legal, ethical, psychological, and just plain kindness issues that a person should be trained, retrained, mentored through, and experienced at involved in discussing anything of that magnitude with a pregnant woman. If I were to, say, be contacted by a woman who offered up her child to me directly, I would immediately feel the red flags of scam artist come up. No. matter. what. People who are as emotionally involved as an adoptive hopeful should not be the point person for this. Especially not after going to all of the trouble to research and find an agency.
I'm looking for other options this evening. I have a lot of questions though, which I am going to rattle off in case anyone out there knows the answers: I've seen that in an international adoption, the adoptive parents can choose an agency from anywhere in the country. Is this true with domestic adoptions as well? If I were to go through an adoption lawer in my state, or a local agency, do they have access to birthmoms outside their neighborhood, generally? And if there was a child in state next door would I need to hire a second lawyer from that state?
I'm a little weary of asking too many questions from the adoption professionals until I am really ready to jump in with both feet, although I know that will eventually be the source of many of my answers.
Friday, July 5, 2013
The Two Week Wait
Mr Smiley on the ovulation test has gone back into hibernation & I am officially in the churning emotional waters of the Two Week Wait.
During the first few official TWWs we went through, I felt excited. We had moved from randomly hoping a pregnancy would show up just from doing nothing to stop it, to watching for a happy face to appear in an attempt to target that lil' ovum more precisely. Dropping almost $50 a month on something to pee on seemed like a great step in the right direction. I was able to know when my body was gearing up to open the gates- not unlike the beginning of a horse race. We could try to catch that little horse as he made his way down the midway.
After the miscarriage, I switched to the "advanced" Mr Smiley who is flashy to indicate higher estrogen levels and then turns steady for 2 days to indicate the LH surge. Because this extra level of smiley-hood, THAT must be what I've been missing. blink.
These days, I feel like doing the LH test is just a part of the morning routine, like brushing my teeth or feeding the dogs. It almost doesn't seem connected to the possibility of a pregnancy.
During the first few official TWWs we went through, I felt excited. We had moved from randomly hoping a pregnancy would show up just from doing nothing to stop it, to watching for a happy face to appear in an attempt to target that lil' ovum more precisely. Dropping almost $50 a month on something to pee on seemed like a great step in the right direction. I was able to know when my body was gearing up to open the gates- not unlike the beginning of a horse race. We could try to catch that little horse as he made his way down the midway.
After the miscarriage, I switched to the "advanced" Mr Smiley who is flashy to indicate higher estrogen levels and then turns steady for 2 days to indicate the LH surge. Because this extra level of smiley-hood, THAT must be what I've been missing. blink.
These days, I feel like doing the LH test is just a part of the morning routine, like brushing my teeth or feeding the dogs. It almost doesn't seem connected to the possibility of a pregnancy.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
A year and a half into the beginning of a journey.
So, I'm thinking that I want to be a mom.... and at this point, I'm not sure what that means for me. Will this become an adoption blog? an infertility blog? a new mom blog? The hubs and I have been trying to join our cute little gametes for 1 year and 6 months. There was a brief stint with a short-lived pregnancy a few months ago, but it failed miserably on our first wedding anniversary (as in: happy anniversary honey, I'm going to go miscarry the baby now. yeah. so... that happened.) I guess technically the amount of time TTC is less the 11 weeks we had, in fact, C-ed.
The beginning of July marked the crossover from the time I might've been a first-time mom before I turn 35 and the new reality that I will be at least 35 when I become a mom. That is, of course, if my children have not been conceived and/or born by now. And even then, the chances are slim I could become their mom in the next 9 months. This is, in reality, not a huge deal, but in my head it is. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'm over 30- or that I'm actually one of the grown ups, for that matter. Having an automatic 'elderly primigravida' written on the chart seems unreal.
Already, I have misled you a little. I do know one thing for certain. This will not be a traditional TTC blog. Although we are, in fact, TTC, I am not interested in medical intervention to make that happen. I am not willing to drug myself up or think about my ovaries in bloom or any of those other magical things that I have to skim over in other blogs so I don't end up over-thinking anything and... let's be honest, passing out. I'm just not awesome at handling unnecessary invasive procedures. This, in addition to the overwhelming costs associated with it (neither of our insurance plans cover infertility in any way- do any?), leads me straight down the path of adoption.
We are currently just poking around the adoption idea, really. We are also still watching every month for the smiley face to stop flashing on the LH surge tests, and it has actually only been three months since the miscarriage, although it seems much much longer. I'm very tired of that smiley face. very tired. Researching adoption has been a fresh source of hope for me.
And so here I am. Almost a year and a half into the beginning of a journey.
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