Fingers crossed!

The profile for a sibling group was put on hold for them to review home studies. I know, I know, I know... but this one was put on hold just hours after our home study was sent to them!  That is positive, right? They are actually reviewing OUR home study! And they were not taken down for having 15 inquiries already, so... maybe... ?  

We have felt a lot of frustration (mainly stemming from my impatience)  about adoption, so far.  We have seen the awful statistics about time frames & interstate adoption realities (not to mention scary stuff about undiagnosed killed-the-kitten disorders that seem to pop up way too often in blogs).  But we remain hopeful that we will be the exception. Our adoptions will go smoothly & quickly while our kids will have been overdiagnosed with disorders that they either do not have, or are well on their way to overcoming.  It's nice to dream, right? 

Last night we had a conversation about trying for a biokid again.  There is part of me that wants to have the baby experience. Not necessarily the 'blood draw once a week' experience, but the 'what a sweet young family' experience. I think I will miss that part if we adopt first.  We will be a young family, (well, a thirty-something young family) but no one will know that these kids who have (let's say, for the sake of argument) awful behaviors and foul-mouthed vocabularies are NEW to us, too.  Is it horribly selfish to worry about how I will be judged as a mother rather than thinking about how much those misbehaving kids with sailor talk need me?  I have more time on my hand now than I will post kid(s) arrival, so I'm guessing I won't have much time to worry or think about much of anything other than making sure everyone is relatively clean and fed when we leave the house. Anyhow, we decided, essentially, to not really go out of our way to try for a bio baby, but not to go out of our way to NOT try, if you know what I mean. This isn't much of a difference from what have have been doing, but the idea of the maybe of it all... that's nice to have.  I think after the miscarriage last year, it was hard for me to view my body in that way without getting very very tired.  Soooo... We'll just see what happens!  

But for tonight, we drink.  :)  

intrastate adoption

Our state has a touch of sparsely populated-ness.  Not like some states in the west, but enough that there just are not the amount of kids ready for adoption that you might find in a more metropolitan area.  Particularly lacking are those that fit our "we would be able to handle parenting these"  requirements.  Regardless of the fact that we are looking for siblings, we just don't have any in-state choices.  We put our home study in for one set that appeared just after we were approved, but since then, there just have not been any.

This issue wasn't a huge deal, because we are registered with adoptuskids.org & we have found a handful of out  of state sibling sets that we have also been interested in & inquired about.  We had no idea there were so many issues with this.  But, there are.  I found the statistic that in 2010, there were more people struck by lightning in the US than were able to successfully adopt across state lines. (see Washington Post link below) There are commercials saying how many kids there are in the country that want a home, implying that there is a chance you might actually be able to GIVE them one, but as it turns out, this kid trade is all about money, and the social services of states are not eager to help their families adopt from another state because they won't get money for it.  It's all very upsetting.

If you are interested in adopting across state lines, please read the linked articles for more information.  Also read about the legislation that is sitting in Washington.  It's heartbreaking.  We are not sure what our next plan of action will be.  I'm very burned out by adoption from foster care right now.  I'm wondering if we will be able to follow through with it, quite honestly. I quit my job working for the state, in part, because I couldn't handle this kind of thing anymore. And here we are, facing this same issue as a roadblock to becoming parents.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/why-all-the-snags-in-interstate-adoption/2012/06/01/gJQAB4uq7U_story.html

http://www.listeningtoparents.org/

the bill in congress:  https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/113/s1511

Approval- check!

Since being approved on the 13th,  I've discovered that the adoption process requires a lot of patience.  We were put back into the hands of our state's adoption lady, so our home study social worker is no longer in the picture.  And, for the past two weeks, that's been pretty much all I have to report.  

We did register on adoptuskids.org, so we are able to get extra disability & allergy information without having to make an inquiry... on the roughly 4% of kids who are not protected by local laws. We have sent our home study to one child's social worker in a different state that we found on the website and to a local (in-state) social worker to be considered for a sibling group that was emailed to us (and all state families in our shoes). 

I'm not sure how long it takes the kids' social workers to make a decision, so now we wait.  If any other child/children come up that we are interested in being considered for, we ask our adoption lady to send our home study to them too.  

It really isn't very exciting at this point- especially since I've been fighting tummy issues & the weather has been so awful.  It's just an ordinary life, except we read more profiles about kids than most people. :)  

 

anxiously waiting on approval

We are expecting to be approved as potential adoptive parents on Monday. I'm frustrated right now because I'm not sure what happens after that. Are we still working with our home study social worker? Do we go back to the state's adoption specialist? No idea.  I've asked our home study social worker this question twice with no reply.

Meanwhile, we received additional information about the remaining posted child from our original "inspiration kids" & have decided not to pursue his adoption.  As it turns out, he needs a lot of attention and they believe he would thrive most in a home where he is an only child.  We thought hard about this, since we have become emotionally attached to his profile, but we really want 3 or 4 kids. Also, there is still that chance that a bio kid would enter the picture so even if we did decide on one, it may not be in the cards.

I'm feeling a little blue this weekend. I've been having snow days for a week after having been on winter break, so I think I may just be getting a bit of cabin fever. Bleh.  I'm very hopeful that there will be a flourish of excitement next week when we get our official approval & start the matching process... whatever it is!   :)  Until then, maybe a nap is in order.

splitting a sib group

It is one week before Christmas. Today our "inspiration children"  were taken off the list of available kids.  Surprisingly, I felt happy for them & their Christmas family.

Then the youngest was re-posted alone.

I am heartbroken for him & his siblings.  Another loss in their young lives. I don't know the situation, and couldn't possibly guess (nor is it my business) what happened with the older two, but I'm thinking of him tonight & hoping he doesn't feel too alone.  I'm hoping he has a wonderful foster family who is able to console him & hug him tight.

Adopting older kids from foster care is really really difficult sometimes. Even knowing the kids all have heartbreaking stories in their past, it is humbling to watch the small window I have into their lives as more heartbreak unfolds.  I spent what was probably too much time weaving a story of what "could" have happened and how it "may still"  become a happily-ever-after story.  My husband thinks I'm a little nuts, but I needed to find that possibility in order to process the emotions of the day.  I can't imagine how a child copes with this stuff. I hope he can imagine a happily-ever-after story for himself.  

Completing the home study

We have scanned and emailed all of our paper work to our home study agency.  I'm not sure if our SW will want to come back out to the house to visit or not.  I'm guessing so since she hasn't seen our fire extinguishers in place, but she indicated that she was going to try to finish up our home study by the end of the week, with no mention of another visit.

Our first visit was very positive.  The pets all behaved perfectly, our house was pretty well organized, however I did not go too far out of my way to make it any cleaner than I would if it were my parents coming to visit.  We still had that box of mail that we need to go through someday sitting in the corner of our dining room, for instance. All in all, it was a good time and our social worker was very friendly. It was not an intimidating visit in the least.

It's very exciting setting up the kids' rooms, although we are holding off any decorating until we know for sure who we are getting. Part of the reasoning behind this is to involve them in the decor decisions as part of transitioning.  We want them to feel like the rooms they move into are really THEIR rooms. We want them to take ownership of the spaces, but also doing things to set up their rooms gives us something concrete to do as a family those first few weeks rather than staring terrified at each other wondering what to do next. On some level, I'm also hoping that doing these things during the "honeymoon" period & giving them some pride of ownership will prevent them from destroying everything once the "testing our love" phase begins.

After the home study is complete, our social worker will present us to the state's adoption board.  The state will then approve us (hopefully!) as adoptive parents. We will then be in contact with our state adoption specialist and will start the matching process.  At this point, the kids I've considered my "inspiration kids"  are still posted online.  If they remain there when we are approved, they will be the first inquiry we make.

Home study: Paperwork begins

A couple of days ago, we had first contact with the social worker from the agency which will be preforming our home study.  She emailed a lot of forms to be filled out as well as a list of documents we need to gather.  I already emailed back with a lot of questions regarding these forms  & am trying to shrug off what I feel was a rather curt response from the sw.   The forms contained almost no instruction & were very much geared toward foster care applicants, not adoption-only. Most of my questions revolved around that wording.

One of my main goals early in this process is to develop a thicker skin.  This is going to be a long, difficult journey & the questions will  be getting really serious. THEN the profiles of children will be very very difficult to process. THEN the kids themselves will do and say things that I should not take personally. All of this is wrapped up in dealing with a state agency. Having previously worked for a state agency, I know that these forms are originally processed with less care than a slaughterhouse. Having a font-change in the middle of an answer is to be expected and is NOT a sign of disrespect to the applicants.  (Yes it is, forms management workers! These forms are difficult enough to get through without these types of annoyances.)

The checklist of documents we'll need:

• Birth Certificate x2 (mine, his)
• Marriage License, 
• Drivers Licence x2
• Pet Vaccine Records x3 (2 dogs, 1 cat)
• Homeowner's Insurance
• Car Insurance x2
• Car Registration x2
• Recent Pay Stub x2
• Last Year's Tax Return. 

We'll have to update the cat's shots, I think.  & I will need a new copy of my BC, which is in the works.

The list of forms we'll need to complete:

• Foster Care License application (yes, we need to do this, even though we don't want a FC license)
• Criminal History Background Check Application x2
• Child Care Plan (where will the kids go if not with us or at school) 
• Child Protective Services History Check Application x2
• Medical Approval Form x2 (doctor fills out saying we are healthy & probably not on drugs)
• Acknowledgement of Role Form (we understand the care of children is what we are signing up for)
• Water Agreement (check box & sign to say we are on city water) 
• Home Safety Checklist (what they will be looking for, more on this later) 
• Quite Imposing Awkward Question Form x2