Home study: Paperwork begins

A couple of days ago, we had first contact with the social worker from the agency which will be preforming our home study.  She emailed a lot of forms to be filled out as well as a list of documents we need to gather.  I already emailed back with a lot of questions regarding these forms  & am trying to shrug off what I feel was a rather curt response from the sw.   The forms contained almost no instruction & were very much geared toward foster care applicants, not adoption-only. Most of my questions revolved around that wording.

One of my main goals early in this process is to develop a thicker skin.  This is going to be a long, difficult journey & the questions will  be getting really serious. THEN the profiles of children will be very very difficult to process. THEN the kids themselves will do and say things that I should not take personally. All of this is wrapped up in dealing with a state agency. Having previously worked for a state agency, I know that these forms are originally processed with less care than a slaughterhouse. Having a font-change in the middle of an answer is to be expected and is NOT a sign of disrespect to the applicants.  (Yes it is, forms management workers! These forms are difficult enough to get through without these types of annoyances.)

The checklist of documents we'll need:

• Birth Certificate x2 (mine, his)
• Marriage License, 
• Drivers Licence x2
• Pet Vaccine Records x3 (2 dogs, 1 cat)
• Homeowner's Insurance
• Car Insurance x2
• Car Registration x2
• Recent Pay Stub x2
• Last Year's Tax Return. 

We'll have to update the cat's shots, I think.  & I will need a new copy of my BC, which is in the works.

The list of forms we'll need to complete:

• Foster Care License application (yes, we need to do this, even though we don't want a FC license)
• Criminal History Background Check Application x2
• Child Care Plan (where will the kids go if not with us or at school) 
• Child Protective Services History Check Application x2
• Medical Approval Form x2 (doctor fills out saying we are healthy & probably not on drugs)
• Acknowledgement of Role Form (we understand the care of children is what we are signing up for)
• Water Agreement (check box & sign to say we are on city water) 
• Home Safety Checklist (what they will be looking for, more on this later) 
• Quite Imposing Awkward Question Form x2

Substitute Teaching

This week, I attended the orientation (i.e. paperwork meeting) to substitute teach. I'm excited to be doing something that will get me used to a variety kids in different age groups  as well as have such a completely flexible schedule.  It is possible to decide each morning if you'd like to go to work that day. That will be perfect for all of the random adoption-related appointments as well as enable me to be great support to my future kids.  I will know their school system AND have the same days off they do. Win-win.

I'm a little nervous, of course.  The scene of kids throwing gum into my hair and the next-door neighbor teachers having to come rescue me is pretty prevalent in my mind, but generally, I think I'll be good at it.  My 10-year-old nephew told me I'd be good at it too, and his Asperger's-induced honesty is a pretty good thumbs up in my book.

So... I read substitute teacher blogs and lists and lists of tips in preparation for the end of fall break for the kids.  My background check should be cleared by mid-next week, so I should be ready to jump in as soon as I'm needed the week after that!   All in all, I'm pretty excited.

Going back to work, means, of course, I need to kick some of these house projects into high-gear! One more week!  yikes!

Post-class nerve-citement

We finished our adoption classes Saturday afternoon!  I found the classes very informative.  I was asked by family if the classes made us want to run away & the surprising answer is no!   I guess this was the goal of DCS, but we actually came out of the classes feeling more prepared & with a better understanding of not only the process, but the emotions involved with the process.  We feel relatively secure in our positions of future mommy & daddy.  AND not all of the information was what we'd already seen online, which was our fear... Okay, a lot of it was... but the anecdotes were good add-ins and made it seem more real. :)

I even made a friend-  another mommy-to-be who is interested in adopting sibs. We both look forward to having someone to call who knows just what we are going through.  This was a great surprise since all sources seem to indicate people looking to adopt siblings are rare... even more rare are those who don't have kids at home already who are going from 0 to 3 (which is what we both are interested in).   She also has a set of "inspiration kids"  and we were both very glad to hear that her set and my set are not the same set, although our similar frequenting of the adoptuskids.org site let us each be familiar with the other's set of "inspiration kids".  Additionally, the trainer overheard us talking about these kids and said she had wondered who we were interested in.  I don't know why that made me feel good but it did.  Someone who knows us a little more than through email knows we are interested in THIS set of kids. And didn't seem to think it was a crazy idea... :)

Theoretically, of course, they are JUST inspiration kids, we should not get too attached to a photo and mini-bio. But, let's be honest. It was an amazing relief to realize we aren't dreaming about the same kids so we didn't have to see each other as competition.  Also, there is a possibility that I will be heartbroken if (yeah, ok, when) these kids get adopted before we've gotten to the point to throw our parental hats in the ring, or, worse, if we have reached that point and are not the chosen parents.


Right now is a waiting period.  We have finished our classes, but do not have any information about the home study yet.  I'm busying myself with beginning to clear out closets & otherwise organize all the catch-all type piles that have lived in the rooms which will belong to the kids.  Not the most glamorous aspect of preparing for kids (I'll let you know if I do find a glamorous aspect), but necessary.

becoming a new parent is scary.

If you build your family in the traditional way, there is a good two-year long period where you can mess up without the kid remembering what a terrible first time new parent you were. When you adopt older kids, there is no grace period.   You better be somewhat competent from the get-go, really.

This is my fear.

So... it makes me nervous that I have absolutely NO experience in making decisions about a child with someone else's input involved. But that's ok, right? Because what first-time-parent HAS that experience?

With adopting older kids, I also feel like we will not get as much of a grace period from our mommy & daddy peers, either.  If we were pregnant for 9 months and bringing home a tiny new baby, I can imagine people exchanging those knowing & amused looks with each other. "Aren't they cute? New parents are so fun to watch! such nerds..."

 (This scenario also includes several stories about poop.  I'm not sure why.  Parents love talking about their kids' poo stories from baby & toddlerhood.)

Will we get the same freedom to call our family and tell them "we need a break NOW" or to confess that we have no idea how much food to put on a 9 year old's plate?

I'm honestly feeling a little bashful to even type this stuff out.  I am fully aware I'm over-reacting. DEEP BREATH. The last adoption class is in two days, so it's all feeling suddenly very real & there is a lot of  pressure that comes with that.

Being responsible for the lives of children is scary stuff.  I need to be easier on myself if I expect  anyone else to be, eh?